MEMORIES-Pratap, Ajabde OS

After an exhausting day in the war field I returned home, a place where I could call few my family. The day in the arena was very difficult, very busy and very tiring. All co-operated with me and Bhills along with the Afghans led by Hakim Khan helped Mewar a lot. With that cruel Akbar came the betrayer Maan Singh and his father Bhagwan Das to support and fight with their fellow mates. The army of those heartless Mughals were hundred times more than ours, they had the soldiers on elephants while we had on horse, they had soldiers on foot with rifles and spears and shields while we had soldiers on foot with sword and shield and they had head leads for every piece of their army while we only had one lead, only one senapati. Seeing all this we were at first terrified but then we decided to fight against them until our last drop of blood, we decided to fight like true Rajputs unlike some, we decided to kill ten at a shot and we decided that we will win this for us, our family and our better half who will be waiting for our return. With only a handful of soldiers and some Bhills and five to six cannons we managed the game today but…tomorrow…we did not know what would happen.

In the warrior attire like always I entered the room wondering why she wasn’t there to help me out. I then remembered that she was no more, no more there to help me, no more there to give me courage, no more there to love me, she was no more there in her physical state but I knew she is there with me always, till eternity, she will always guide me even though I will not be able to take her hands in mine, even though she will not keep her hands on my shoulders and give courage, she will be there where I am, where my heart will be, I know she is living in my heart so she is my heart, she is the one who rules my heart I know, I know this but my mind still looks for her.

As of now I had recovered from the trauma and was stable enough to fight against the Mughals but again today…  As soon as I entered I found my wedding outfits on the bed with hers but why was it here, I wondered. Soon my legs pulled me there, I lost my senses, and my mind flashed moments with her in my eyes. The day we met as strangers, the time when the flowers fell on us as though Gods are the ones who are blessing us with flowers, then the time when we discovered that I had her mala, the moment when I saw her as my bride, the second when she saw my reflection on the water during Gangaur, then the confession and then the separation, then the pooja- paat and vrath by her for me to be victorious in the war, then we met again and my hands reached for her rescue and then my proposal for marrying her, then the marriage, the Ghat Bandhan, the Sindoor Daan, the sevens vows, the sounds of the subjects- “Kunwarsa ki Jai, Kunwarani ki Jai” and “Kunwar Pratap ki Jai, Kunwarani Ajabde ki Jai”, then the declaration- “Ab Baojiraj Pratap aur Ajabde Baisa pati-patni hai”, then the after wedding rituals and the games, the last talks before leaving her to go back to her home for some years, then came gauna before which we kept in touch with letter, her paintings that she sent were the ones with helped in those years, then the news she gave about Amar and then about Bhagwan Das and now she is there but not there.

Ajabde??

Ajabde??

Arey kaha chali gayi hai yeh??

Ajabde??

Rana ji hum aa rahe hai

Ajab, kaha reh gayi aap??

Hum toh bas aise hi Amar ke sath kel rahe the

Toh apko humse zayda Amar chahiye na toh thik hai hum jaa rahe hai

Nahi nahi rana ji aisi baat nahi hai

Toh kaisi baat hai Ajab??

Rana ji aap toh darbar gaye hue the toh hum Amar ke sath kelne chale gaye bas… agar apko bura laga toh hume kshama…

Ssh, Ajab hum toh aise hi parihaas kar rahe the, waise humne suna ki Amar ko koi bhai ya behen chahiye

Rana ji… woh…

Ajab, hume lagta hai ki hume unhe de hi dena chahiye…koi bhai ya behen

Nahi rana ji…abhi nahi…

Ajab, aap humse kuch chupa toh nahi rahi hai??

Nahi…nahi rana ji

Ajab aap jhut nahi keh sakti humne pehle hi kaha hai na toh phir aap prayaas kyu kar rahi hai??

Rana ji baat yeh hai ki… hume Amar ko bhai ya behen dene ki prayaas nahi karna padega…

Prayaas nahi karna padega???

Haan…woh…

Ek kshan…iska arth yeh hua ki…

Haan rana ji

Ajab… (he carries her)

Rana ji chodiye hume…chodiye na..

All these tiny memories were flashing one after other.

Rana ji aap kya kar rahe hai??

Hum toh bas yuhi apke aur humare bare mein sooch rahe the

Rana ji jab hum apke sath hai aur apke paas hai toh apko humare bare mein kya sochna??

Ajabde, aap nahi janti ki aap humare paas hai ya nahi hai hum apke baare mein sochte hai aur yeh humara abyaas hai

Nahi rana ji aap aisa tabi karte hai jab aap koi duvida mein rehte hai, toh hume batayiye ki kya samasya hai??

Ajab, woh… aap hi toh hamesha hume yudh ke samay saahas deti hai par ab aap nahi hai hume saahas dene ke liye aur humara tilak toh aap hi karti hai aur pooja aur vrath, humare kiye yeh rahne ke liye toh koi nahi hai na…aap hi thi humare liye yeh rahkne wali…

Rana ji bale hi hum apke sath, apke samne na ho, hum toh apke hruday mein baste hai, apke har saans mein rehte hai, aisa apne hi kaha ta na??

Haan par…

Par kuch nahi rana ji, hum sada apke sath the, hai aur rahenge aur haan apko saahas dene toh humare pustak hai na, aap unhe padhiye aur samjhiye ki hum ki apko saahas de rahe hai aur haan hum apse milne ayenge yaha apke samne…

Ajab… prati din ayiye aap

Ajab suna apne??

Her words soothed me. And for the last time I touched the wedding attire and kept it in my personal shelf to see it and feel her when desired.